“Music to Sell the Real Thing By … and Other Hits from Ken-L Foods!”     A 1961 “industrial” record put out by advertising agency giant J. Walter Thompson for the K-L Ration dog food manufacturer to get their sales force pumped up to sell, sell, sell.     Here are original songs written to inspire company tail draggers and motivate those who made their living one can of dog food at a time.     Promotional tools and brand prosthelytizing to a bouncy beat.

This is FALSE ADVERTISING.   After listening to this, there’s very little bounce here or any music at all!   The hushed, sexy female voice (“Miss Monologue”?) with her sexual innuendo and double-entendres is very strange in counterpoint to the all-business marketing exec trying to get his dry message across.     (Her: “You’re a big boy now” – Him: “A figure of speech honey”)   This is just terrible.   Like eating dog food!

An audio comic book/musical from Archie Comics on Tifton Records with book, music and lyrics by Bean Clayton and Raol Alland   “Idol-ness in Riverdale” (no date on the record – early 70′s?)   The Archie look that I grew up with in the sixties and seventies was the work of pin-up and glamour girl illustrator Dan DeCarlo whose previous cartoons were most seen in the “adult” men’s digests of the Forties and Fifties (with titles like “Humorama”, “Gee-whiz”, “Eyeful of Fun” and “Romp” to name a few).     He toned down his sexy drawings to make the Riverdale teens suitable for young readers, but I’m sure that Betty and Veronica couldn’t help but spark many tween libidos – and Josie and the Pussycats – forget about it.

An incredibly strange “industrial musical” created, performed and released as a “souvenir” to employees and customers by the American Standard bathroom fixtures company.   From 1969.   Check out WFMU’s Beware of the Blog to   listen to this warped artifact of late sixties “promotainment”.   This one made an appearance as one of “Dave’s Record Collection” on the Late Show.

From the Liner Notes: The Bathrooms are Coming premiered a new decade of bathroom fixtures born out of exhaustive human and product research by American-Standard. The story began with the introduction of a mythical Greek goddess Femma, the epitome of all women’s attitudes, reflections and desires and the leader of all women’s movements. In the play Femma is called upon by other women to start a bathroom revolution – “Join the fight for bathroom safety, Femma…the fight for beauty and luxury. We need freedom from bathroom oppression. Join the fight for better bathrooms.”

We sincerely hope that this delightful music helps you to recapture the excitement, color and laughter of the original show.

Tony the Tiger conducts “A Kellogg Concert of Best Cereal Sellers” (1965). A Hanna-Barbera Production. Words and Music by “Philmore Bowls”!

This is a super rare “Reference Recording for Kellogg Sales Executives. Not for Sale Broadcast or Public Performance.”